Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
accomplished twins. life is a go
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
