she smelled like a LAN party
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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