She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
