Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
