And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
