i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
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