I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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