i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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