I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
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I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
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Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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