Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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