you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
