The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
