I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
