i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
