Plan B is the new Plan A
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Success! We fucked roommates!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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