Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
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He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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