So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
