perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
