At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
