Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just shotgunned beers for America
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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