I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
