is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
