My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I don't deserve a penis
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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