I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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