Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
