doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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