By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
