I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
