Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
