Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
