Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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