but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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