You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
