I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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