u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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