I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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