ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
