So drunk its hurt
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
