he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
