My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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