Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
honey bunches of taint.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
