I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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