Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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