i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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