he wants to bone in the snuggie
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
