ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
