I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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