I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
