She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
