WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
