He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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