When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
