it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
