what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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