Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
