The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
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i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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