She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
