hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
