just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize