my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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