I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
