If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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