I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
