so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
