so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
