the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
