Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
