My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
