ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
