I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Mom said you looked used
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
