Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Found the puke drawer
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
