ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
